überEllis.com

I woke up from slumber with thirst
and the thirst was red.
So I went to my pool and drank deep
Two hands of thumbs, none of them green
Boxed into seemingly predetermined shape.

Through autumn pastels and winter greys
Where were you when even the weeds bloomed?
The secret palette on This side unseen
By me?

Ah...the perfect recipe for acing high-school creative writing - make it dark and depressing, and if you can - let everyone die at the end. Read at your own risk.

Sarah stopped in the hallway and turned around, "You don't have to go through with this, you know?". "I'm not doing this for him, Mother", Parker replied, "I'm doing this for me". Her eyes searched her son's flawless features for a reason. A hint of doubt. Hoping for an escape. "No good can come of this", she thought as she lovingly let go of his arms. "All-right", she relented, "Let's not be late, then".

The diner was nearly empty except for an elderly couple quietly sharing a milkshake in a far corner. An old radio crackled hits from the seventies to a middle-aged waitress wearing a red chequered uniform and a burly man with a grease-stained apron. Parker idly stirred at a thin soup, staring at nothing in particular.

Bill was staring at Parker.

There was something about the boy's face. Something he never expected. It was familiar, yet strange. Firm, but somehow gentle. It was as if a great sculptor somehow breathed life into an artwork. Bill couldn't come up with a better description than "beautiful".

Time stood still.

Parker broke the silence; "Why'd you leave us, Father?"

Nothing prepared Bill for the maelstrom of emotion that suddenly gripped his frail psyche. He felt his surroundings melting into blurry shapes of solid colour. He wanted the earth to swallow him. Unable to deal with this reality, his mind let go and his body convulsed with laughter.

Parker expressionlessly watched his father's face contort into a spiderweb of deep furrows. A lifetime passed as the cackle subsided. The wrinkles remained. Parker has never seen anything as repulsive..

An orderly looked again through the tiny square window of the otherwise featureless door. There was something about that solitary man that did nothing but sit on his chair, staring at nothing in particular. His face was sculpted, yet cold, alien and hard. Not a single line scarred the man's face, despite his obvious age. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something disturbingly ugly about this man.

The orderly shook his head, and started whistling as he pushed his trolley down the hall.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

Written to my good friend Lyndith, who resides in Cape Town, and who will always have a special place in my heart - February, 2003

I have decided to explain to you the dangers of drinking beer. By no means do I intend to stop drinking beer, though. I maintain that the advantages of beer far outweigh the dangers and side effects.

To explain the dangers of beer, I will have to give you some background information first - so bear with me..

*takes a deep breath*

Here goes: I am between places to stay at the moment...Oh no! That would require background information too. Upon my return from a recent holiday, I noticed the ominous "For Sale" sign on my front-lawn, only adding one and one together a week or so later. I had the option to stay there with the new owners, but let's face it - I need more power outlets. So the hunt began and now finally I am moving slowly but surely.

That wasn't so hard - moving on

With the whole moving thing, I had food in one place, and everything needed to prepare and consume them in another, which led me to have lunch at a third...And knowing the dangers, I still submitted to the temptation of having a beer at lunch (I might add at this point that I did resist having two...which is harder to resist than an unguarded bowl of Chocolate mousse and no witnesses).

It was the influence of that one beer that led me to the theory: "The human race did not evolve naturally and are indeed from alien origin". Again...more background required.

During one of my rare, but interesting weekends in nature, I was enjoying the beauty of the trees and the melodious singing of the birds. I realised that it's really the collection of bird-noises that was pleasant and that the individual bird-sounds were actually quite annoying. Imagine living and being able to make only one noise. From that point forward the background has no more relevance, as I proceeded to think about not wanting to be a bird (I mean, the flying thing is great...but the rest pretty much bites) and if there were any more beers left.

It was only after the aforementioned lunch that I started forming ideas around what the birds are actually saying...and quite frankly, it must be; "SEX PLEASE!"...over and over. Now if you ran into someone, who constantly screamed that at the top of their lungs - the odds of that encounter leading to intercourse are rather slim. However, according to the laws of Natural Selection, the correct response would be to judge the person according to clarity, volume and the brightness of his feathers and proceed to fornicate.

Clearly...the human race do not follow the laws of Natural Selection. If we had, we all would've been highly intelligent super models. Now add that everything else in the animal kingdom depends on Natural Selection to ensure their survival and evolved as a result of that. Ergo - humans can not possibly have evolved and are thus Alien.

Now, you might be thinking; "what does this have to do with the dangers of beer?" - And here it is: It is exactly this kind of thinking that gets people publically executed.

Please stay tuned to this channel to hear my theories on "Why the earth is not really a planet" and "How water causes cancer"...

Written to cheer up another special friend of mine

Chapter 1

Picture the South-African countryside...barren...hot...and one happens to be cursed with a bit of a brain in the desolateness that is high-school. A social outcast, he who makes the occasional lecturer chuckle with humour that is beyond the average pupil and later student.

Until one day, he sees this girl - not like the girls in the magazines, but she laughs at his jokes and there are conversations.
Soon after, there's intimacy and shared emotions - lonelyness vanishes like a shroud and life has new meaning - the only goal being the continuation of this newfound bliss in eternal wedlock, and who knows, maybe even the spawn of more social outcasts.

Chapter 2

The City. Beyond anyone's wildest imaginations, the young outcast suddenly finds himself amongst more of his kind - previously thought impossible - it's fast and furious and oh so very flashy...but what he really didn't expect amidst the turmoil was the angel.

The angel had the power to crumble the foundations of his religion and brought light to eyes that were blinded by the long year
of desert. Shackled by his naive mistakes, he feels trapped and alone - his psyche challenged in a new way, a way pure logic had no answer for.

Chapter 3

What happens to the outcast, you may ask - and who is this angel? The tale has more roots in reality than I care to admit, dear reader - and the tale is still being written slowly but surely during our daily lives...so who knows?

The angel proceeds to shine to all that surrounds her, although her love is commited to another...

The outcast has a choice in front of him, that might, to him, seem desperate, alone and difficult, but it is one he has to make. Maybe it will be easier once he realises that what he has, is more than what others only dream of.